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hazel . icio . us
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DISCLAIMER. Hello, this isHazel Frances Kong =D welcome to The.Hazel.City *Linked to my 1st blog:The.Hazel.Planet FLASHBACKS. January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 March 2012 April 2012 September 2012 December 2012 January 2013 OCCASIONAL VISITS. OCCASIONAL VISITS. Bitch-alert, Blogsecret, Blogskins, Chickenshit, d'Amour, Fashionprotege, Fragmentsofletters, Fuckyeahfoodcravings, Icanread, Idareyoutoclickthis, Iloveccupcakes, Leilockheart, Lovebot, Misswallflower, Mkathrynd, Radio913, Sogou, ThedoctorsTV, Thingssheloves, Yourdeafeningsilence, Vi.sualize, |
I want to be with the one I knew
Sunday, January 30, 2011
"Something about love that make you smile and still believe." In an unguided moment, you realised that the only one that you are familiar with, is only you, yourself, no other. I sat in the bus and look all around, the very first question I could only ask myself was not "Am I happy?" or "Are these all you want after hell-ing for the last last few months?" but, it was "Am I that desperated over knowledges til it brings me to here?" Being so miles away, occasionally I do feel lost, it takes me a while to think that am I really lost? Then another some time to decide that "Nope, I'm not." I look at the books I own then the lecturers that I got, I hope my academic performance be the additional reason to convince me everything here is worthy. Daddy said : "For now, mamie, didi and me, three of us, but 2 years later, we can be together for CNY again." I really miss my mom. For the years, I always followed her to midnight market on the night before chinese new year eve. Whatever it lies ahead, I wish my dad can always have everything smooth in his bussiness, and my mom, can always stay happy and healthy and my dear brother can be slightly more ambitious and not forgeting, people whom I adore can be always that lovable. Signing off; Hze
- 12:24 AM. ='( ='( ='(
Thursday, January 27, 2011
"When you're learning something new, you gonna be very polite to yourself." Yea, I'm trying, very very hard. It seems no more good thing for me to come here everytime. That huge pressure climbing over my back again ='( I just wanna go back home. To the great awesome Universe, or the bright sky up above my head, and the gorgerous moon shining the land every night, and the little tiny twinkling stars with enormous luminating power : Please please please, help me get through Physio Practical, put some magics on the microscope that I'm going to use ... Haih ~ Exhausted. Signing off; Hze
- 7:28 PM. I say can you believe it?
Sunday, January 23, 2011
"Hold on, make it last." I reckon, this is the 1000++th time I have been complaining BORED. Yup. In a real massive bored. I dunno why, ever since I have came to here, I started complaining bored, and bored, and bored. More and more frequent =( From every few weeks once to every week once; then every few days once, now every day once !!! I suppose to study, but then just no inspiration, no motivation. I, really feel extremely boring. Anotherrrrrrrrr long one month. Haih. Then, my newest msn couldn't sign in again. Dunno what the hell wrong is doing with the password ... =( Signing off; Hze
- 9:24 PM. You gotta get back high
Sunday, January 16, 2011
"Elevator goes down, elevator comes up." I think I'm going to hell soon. So much sins lie within me. I don't commit them, they just develop out from me. Yea. EXCUSES ! Finally, it's my turn for phone to spoil. Oh, maybe I should say 'My phone's charger is spoilt.' Nah, they are just the same. Afterall, phone can't survive without charger. Just like human can't survive without MONEY ! Why am I saying 'Finally' ? Coz all of my batchmates, one by one, each of them for sure has something spoilt. So, finally, it's my turn. For my case, always predicted and expected. Haih. My poor bloggies, are always the last places I will choose to come when I have no mood. They always provide me the last solution when I have reached a solutionless stage. All the time, I try to persuade myself not to doubt on it. Then, convince myself to believe it unconditionally, then I doubt again and believe again. Just like the high-and-down cycle non-stop repeating. What the hell wrong with me? Pre-menstrual syndrome? Cannot be. Pre-examination syndrome? I don't think so. Maybe it's Pre-March syndrome. I hope one day, I would stop doubthing on it. Signing off; Hze
- 1:31 AM. You got me so twisted
Saturday, January 8, 2011
"See, you mess up my mental health, I feel quite unwell." Yeap. I changed URLs again. For those whom I informed, million of apologies because I make you have to relink again. As usual, when something being so disturbing til I couldn't come out even a single solution. I do some 'renovations', maybe I should say - 'rebellions' In fact, I wanted to alter them weeks ago til ... few days ago, it reaches my peak of endurance. I quite can't bear to change them off actually. I think I am really not that strong as I was, but I'm braver and tougher. Everytime I hear my dad's voice, my lacrimal glands just out of control. Specially when he said : "Before I sleep, I make you a call." He always calls me at the right time when I just perfectly need somebody. So I ended up standing at the corridor of an old building, uncontrollably wept for 10 minutes. Two battling nights. For the first night, I managed to sleep restlessly for 3 hours. I woke up miraculously early at 6.08 am. Droplets of tears flow out from my edges of eyes without any signal immediately once I opened my eyes. And then, a voice appeared in my head and said : "Hazel. Go for a run. You need a run to shake off those hells." Worse and worst. I had no idea how I managed to keep my eyes close for one hour if wasn't with the help of music therapy on the second night. Here without my besties, I start keeping secrets I made a wish on that night. I hoped it would be 11th of March when I wake up on the next day. The first person I gonna meet when I go back is my baobei KuanShuen and the first thing I gonna do is to hug her tightly and cry loudly. Evetually, my wish didn't come true and it will never come true. By the way, I wasn't addicted to Morphine, it was Cocaine being so addictive to me. Signing off; Hze
- 10:58 PM. You are my brand of Morphine
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
"Too much of anything will make you sick, even the best one would be a curse." Drug cures but it is addictive, so eventually, instead of saving, it might kill you. Tonight, without my brand of Morphine. =( Maybe I'm used to the feeling of getting pissed off til I don't feel it anymore. It's a good sign =) Though it still left me some side effects =/ Dad called and asked : " How much can you cope for the coming exam ?" Haih~ He usually doesn't ask in this way. Then, mom said : "You really, really must score very, very well, but don't give yourself too much pressure." See, no point right? Dunno since when, I kinda afraid to pick up their phone. Ok now, I have this little troubled issue- Few weeks ago, dad called and 'scolded' : "Why did you say that you want come back to Msia? Mamie said you posted it on facebook." I was stunned, really stunned. First, my parents aren't that Hi-tech who will go to fb; Second, I reminded my brother more than thousand times that - "Keep mamie away from my fb profile." I thought this fellow betrayed me. Well, my mom also scares if I will angry or what, because I always complain about lacking of privacy. Then, she explained that she actually knew it from MSN's updates. I was like ... ... WTF ?! Since when the hell I linked my fb to MSN ? Later, I thought, narh, it's just a fb status, nothing a big deal. So, I didn't really bother much about it. Few days later, mom called again and asked : "Who is WeiChi Soh? Why did you posted 'I love you' ?" At that moment, trust me, I was about going insane. I feel so spied by mom !! Really gonna do something. So I signed up a new email and remove the old one. What a stupid big constructing work right ? I thought I would finally get back to peace, but then ... Yes, she called again and asked : "Are you ok? I saw your status writte that you're dying to boredom." GOSH ! I bloody feel like crying !! I dunno why there is still a track !!!??? Dun tell me the only solution is to remove that account and create a new one ?? Please. I really have no time for that, even if I have, I'm not going to do so. It's too stupid. So now, basically, I have a phobia regarding fb status. I dunno should I curse fb or MSN, maybe BOTH !!! Anyone has any idea about this? If this couldn't be solved then I shall stay away from fb status forever. That place is getting scarier and scarier. =/ Signing off; Hze
- 2:19 AM. You ought to know that how much I love you by now
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
"An apple a day, keeps doctors away; a post per day, keeps psychiatrists away." Yeap, very true. At least, I practice personally and it works effectively. =) It's pretty hard to pull me near to depression now, coz MARCH is arriving !!!! And I'm freaking excited !!!! xD I don't care if the sun is going to crack the land of Salem, Summer, you just come. After today, it will be only another precious 48 hours left before new knowledges dash in again. In the aspect of learning, I always have two weaknesses, I aware of them but I just couldn't help myself to get rid of them. I'm impatient. I learnt them; I memorise them and I want them stay forever faithfully in specific compartment in my brain that I have specially prepared for them. But human's brain is limited. We just can't stick them in the wall of brain tightly and adhesively. This fact really pissed me off. Then, I'm greedy. I'm so desperate to know more and more and more... Another thing I can't stand is when the person I dislike overtakes me !! Yup, I mean Him ! He knows about my URL and I hope he could read this- " I detest him. " I know knowledge has no boundary but I just hope someday I would reach somewhere near the 'boundary', very soon. which is- errr... yeap, IMpossible. But if you split the word 'impossible', it's actually hinting u that " I'm possible." Narh, I shall call off this possibility topic as it will never end. Mom called today's afternoon, surprisingly. She usually doesn't call during daytime. I did mention I'm stressed up by studies in email. And more unexpectedly, she actually asked me not to give myself too much pressure. She said:" I scare you might go mad." Anyway, I decided to take it slow. Not too slow but with a speed just nice matching my stamina perfectly. Knowledges are sucha a graceful findings and learning is the most beautiful process, memorising is to cultivate yourself deeper and deeper, and forgeting is ... to remind you that you are human being. I shouldn't be overwhelmed by all these, I should enjoy. =) Signing off; Hze
- 1:12 AM. People keep questioning about where is the love?
Sunday, January 2, 2011
"From the centre of my life, here comes a beautiful fountain." I wanted to post a closing speech for year 2010 and a opening speech for year 2011. Too bad, for the fore one, I wasn't in the mood; and the latter one, I had some timing problem. Yea, all are rubbish excuses. The real reason is I was kind of mentally messed up by Cardiovascular System and some transient emotional disturbance. So, tonight, I shall make a combination of two speeches in this post =) Certain wound may heal, but it left you a ugly scar which constantly remind you that how pain you were in those suckish days. The most awfully accepted fact records that I had the most bullshited events happened in my 2010 life. A little best part of it is, I have someone greatly special came into my life, who later becomes my closest one. Then, I met some caring people, like MunYee, LiHan and JackSyen. In my downest day, I have them, who really care ones with me, I appreciate a lot as they really saved me several times from the brink of death. It's JANUARY !!!!!! It's Jolene's birthday. "Happy Twenty dear, I miss your patterns so much ;D " 3 months have gone, entering the forth month in India, a step nearer to the day going back my land-sweet-land =D But then, winter is ending and summer is coming ~~ I have been hearing how horrible can people describe summer .. =/ So, in this brand new year, two biggest challenge lie ahead : -To survive over summer and nothing else more important that -To complete my first year brilliantly and gorgerously ! Well, Happy 2011 to all my dearest readers. In coming days, I hope- whatever beautiful please stay; whatever special please be created; and whatever awful please go away. Signing off; Hze
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